my life feels like some drama serial to me recently.. i feel like i m havin split personalities.. when with frens n at work.. life ish jus e same as usual.. but when i go hm. hmm. sometimes i m able to jus feel dat shes on hols. but sometimes its kinda hard.. i dunno how to describe seeing someone u luv gettin sick.. gettin weaker n weaker. n all u can do ish to wish dat her sufferin will end soon. i haf been gettin myself prepared for dis ever since she went hosp durin cny.. been tinkin of how it wld b like durin e funeral..
nw tinkin back.. i always tot dat when she ish leaving i will feel smt or see some signs? but i din.. it was jus a normal dae at work discussing abt money issues.. when i saw the msg: come home now. i jus told my boss abt it n arranged to work part time nxt week onwards. i noe its coming but i jus din expect it to b so sudden. feel a bit paiseh coz my colleague send me back hm n i wan to cry but i cant coz hes beside. so tryin to control in e car. e sight at hm doesnt seem real to me. i was hopin dat shes still waitin for me but she left oredi. n u noe in the movies. she din close her eyes fully until my bro came hm. such tings do happen for real sia. e first n last dae ish e worst. at least we r busy durin e funeral n there r a lot of ppl around us. but e last dae when she was cremated. well. i tink its e worst dae of my life. n oso e moment when they sealed e cof.
well. e worst is over. i m glad dat i haf lots of relatives n frens dat cares. esp those dat turn up unexpectedly.. n of coz ps for comin over everynite when i stayed up. i ve seen e ugly side of human nature as well. but i learnt dat in life u dun haf much time n energy. so jus ignore this kinda ppl. but its oso scary dat when one pass away. everything else is the same. e world still goes on w or w/o u. n its oso sad dat she din fulfil her dream of gg to a lot of places.. so dats y. no pt workin n workin n workin when u r young tinkin dat u can enjoy life when u r older etc. COZ. life ish short. when u die. onli ur family n frens will b around u. career n money will nt be missing u much.
feelin aimless recently.. wanted to quit my job but no one seems to b supporting me in dis. sigh. i shall jus wait n see how long i can tahan. n complain non stop as well. totally no motivation to go to work los. but ok la i will jus endure til oct den go travel! save up a bit in the meanwhile to support myself for a few mths w/o work. tsk tsk. feel like furtherin studies oso. but once i tink of need to write thesis i sianed. so i shall put dat plan on hold........ until i feel dat writin thesis ish quite fun.
whuever ish readin dis. pls treasure ur family. they r seriously e most impt ppl in e world.
